so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
