you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
