new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
