just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
