I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
