Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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