There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
