Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
