I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i think i just lost a toe
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