I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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