Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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