Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
