the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
