I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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