Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
