I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
