You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
