You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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