threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
