It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
