I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
