The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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