Don't you send me to vm
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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