oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
