oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
