Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
