He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
