I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
