i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
do nipples grow back?
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