My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
