Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
