He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
