did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
