I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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