dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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