Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
