u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
