he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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