AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
