I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
