i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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