I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i think i just lost a toe
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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