Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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