sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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