fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
