You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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