I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
