I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
