You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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