it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
