Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
