They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
