They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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